woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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