sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
