i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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