he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
