i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
