we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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