Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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