Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
