My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
