Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
