Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
