glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
