we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
