I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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