i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
