i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
