Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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