I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
