no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
