I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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