i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize