I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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