it hurts more in the daytime
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize