Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
