I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize