Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
