i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
