KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
