Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
