i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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