if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
