They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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