I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
