Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
