My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
