then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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