Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
