I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
