the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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