Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
