If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
