I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize