I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
