I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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