im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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