Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
