Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
