my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
