I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
