I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
