How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
