Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
