Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
