Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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