Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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