best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
