Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
