is your mom at the bar?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
