I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
