I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
