i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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