After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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