Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
