Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
