I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
