Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
