There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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