I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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